 When we think back of the year 2020, the word opportunity probably doesn’t sit well with most. As most would deem this year as the ‘worst year ever’, it’s difficult to find the silver lining.
2020 has taught us that you can’t take anything for granted. Your career, your family, your friends, your weekends, your dinner parties, your gym classes, your health, your breathe. As we step into a new world of 2021, we are uniquely in a position to dictate what type of life we want to live, more so than ever before. We have been awoken and shaken to our core of what life is, how quickly it can change and we’ve been shown that nothing lasts forever. We are realizing the careers that we thought we cared about, don’t necessarily care about us or are quick to change or cut us loose and protect themselves leaving us in the dusk. We’re realizing that all that we’ve worked for and strived for can be taken away so quickly and with this shattering our sense of self and identity. With this we started to question why we’re even pursuing what we’re pursing. Life has changed, yet we are so uniquely positioned for opportunity. Yes opportunity and let me lists out how I see it: Moving from unconscious to conscious We have the opportunity to reset. A second opportunity, a chance to take a step or two back and reevaluate everything in your life. Your work, your family, your values and goals. And you can do this with such a safety net because well, everyone else has the same opportunity. No one to question you or fear judgement in any way because it’s happening to everyone else at the same time. We’ve spent most of our lives unconsciously working, moving towards something, saving and making money, and for what? Because we’ve been told this is what life is about? We have the opportunity to stop and bring this focus into perspective and be really intentional of what we want in life. You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone This is true of all the challenges we’ve faced this year. Time with family, time with friends, a simple dinner out is now more valued than ever before. A handshake, a hug, a party with friends. During these lockdowns and measures, we didn’t hear people complaining about their nice cars, fancy houses or the size of the houses they had. We heard about how much we missed spending time with those that we love around us. Connection. We value connection. And we didn’t realize this because prior to COVID, we assumed we had more of it. More time with friends, more time seeing family, a next time, another time… But we’ve now realized we can’t assume we have any time at all. We have more control than we thought You may think that we lost a lot of control during these past few months. We lost our ability to work, ability to go out and see friends, ability to do all the things that we did so freely in 2019. But what we realized is that sure, we didn’t have control of COVID, lockdowns or public health measures, but we did learn that we ultimately have control of how we respond to situations. This is freedom, written and spoken to by the Stoics. If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now. “External thinks are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.” — Marcus Aurelius We have an incredible opportunity in front of us, once in a life time opportunity to reset, revise and plan a life for all of us that is more meaningful, more purpose driven, and more values based than ever before. The greatest tragedy isn’t the outcome of the pandemic, it’s that we return to normal, learn nothing from this experience and continue our way without seizing this chance. Let’s not waste it.
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 https://unsplash.com/photos/-r4C7TXOGyM?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditShareLink You've been doing such great work these past few months and years. The moment you've been waiting for, been working for has arrived. You've been promoted to be a leader! Congratulations, all that hard work has paid off and you've finally reach the goal you've set out for yourself.
A few months into the role as the new leader, you're doubting yourself. Things aren't as rosy as they seem, you're constantly feeling pulled in multiple directions, your team doesn't feel as engaged as you thought they would be and you're feeling drained and tired when you come home to be with your family. What happened? How did the perception and vision of being a leader, lead to this? The answer might not be out there, but inward. Often times what we imagine a life could look like doesn't match up or align to reality. Why is that the case? When we look at leadership and what that means, we're constantly bombarded with what an image of that leader should be from the media, movies, and culture. What does being a leader mean? What makes a good leader? To start to answer that question, we need to look inwardly and think about your experience and what your values are:
When we can examine and be intentional of the type of leader you want to be, before starting to lead others, you have a framework to succeed. Have a plan going into leadership development conversation. Understand that the success that got you to this point in your career is not what you'll need to succeed in the next.
Being an authentic leader doesn't just stop after 5pm when you leave the office or shut down the laptop. How are you being a leader at home? Are you aligning what it means to be a good leader at work with being a good leader as a partner, parent, and family member?
When you take the time to really reflect, look inwardly and start to lead yourself, leading others will become easier, more wholesome and passionate. The really reason why most people want to lead is because of their desire to help people. To make people better than they were yesterday. And this is a great feeling and purpose to have. But if we can’t centre ourselves, learn how to lead from our authentic heart, you are robbing that opportunity for your team. By not bringing your best self to the team, your team will not be their best selves. For more on this topic of being an authentic leader, listen to our podcast interview on CoachMe Global here - https://coachme.global/podcast-blog/leading-others-leading-yourself-chris-ho-s03e01  2020 has been a year to remember. Although a lot has happened, I try to find the silver linings in it all and hope there is something that we can all learn from and be better going forward. Out of everything that has dawned on me, the realization that once we let go of wanting to control everything is when we truly become free. And I know it’s not easy, I get it. Us humans crave control. It’s how we focus from one task to the next, trying to identify a sense of certainty, safety (physical or psychological) and predictability. Our amygdala (fight or flight brain) is constantly trying to assess if there’s a threat and controlling something, or the illusion of control, helps us sleep better at night. It's why we’re all craving to go back to ’normal’. And through this all, I’ve found once you let go of this notion of control and only focus on yourself, things become a lot lighter in life.
And letting go of control has its place in leadership and in life. In Leadership Leaders, especially aspiring and new leaders, have this tendency, desire or pressure to have to an impact. It’s what they hired you to do and that added sense of responsibility sits with you. You need to step up as a leader, influence, manage and even control your team towards an outcome or result. In that well intentioned belief of wanting to help, you start to impose what you think is needed to get there. And why not, as an individual contributor, this approach got you where you're at. But if you're wondering why there are so many articles, courses and blogs on leadership it's because of this very fact - it's not that simple. The moment we let go of trying to control your team, is the moment we gain trust with them and with ourselves. Moving from an individual contributor to a people leader forces people to let go of the one thing that they understood got them their results. If I do X, I will get Y. It’s a formula that you can repeat, perfect within reason and expect a certain outcome. For those that live in detail, it provides a road map of expectations and a sense of control that us humans crave and need. When we become leaders however, this all goes out the door. We learn that we cannot control others, and that my actions do not necessarily equate to results for my team. What I did yesterday as an individual does not work today as a leader. There are an infinite number of factors out in the world that are beyond our control and knowledge, so why do we assume we know everything and why do we assume we can control everything? The moment we let go of the need to control people, situations and outcomes, then we can be free to explore what is possible and what is needed to create the future that you want as a leader and for your team. As a leader, identify what you stand for and the values you want to exemplify. Put that out to your team and live by your standards - the rest is not up to you. In Life This pandemic has created a lot of fear, anxiety and negative emotions that have sent shock waves across the world. When will this end? When can we get back to how it was before? What will that new normal look like? We strive to know what is a head of us, at least in some shape or form. And we’ve adapted as the weeks and months have gone by. The truth is no one knows what next week, month or year is going to look like. No one can control what others think, feel or do. And even if we do, it can all change in an instant. We can chose to live in fear or we can chose to accept that we can only control what’s inside of us, how we react to situations and our attitudes. The moment we let go of the need to know what will happen, what other people will do and how things will turn out and just focus on our own actions, thoughts and behaviours is the day we can feel joy. I know it’s not easy, I struggle with wanting to control everything myself, from what people think, feel or say to how my 3 year old acts, eats and sleeps. I’ve been hard wired over the years to control things in fear of health and danger. But recently I’ve started to understand that in the end it doesn’t matter, we only have the present moment that’s in front of us and the thoughts, attitudes, and perspectives that we can control. Everything else is not up to you, so why bother spending more time than necessary on something you can affect. Live simply with yourself and lead others the same way.  There are numerous 'Top 5' lists out there on how to be an effective leader. Top tips on how to be an emotionally connected, high EQ, conscious, engaged, motivated leader. And the tips make a lot of sense and apply to a lot of scenarios. But I think my biggest learning from being a leader come from the mistakes I've made in my leadership life and the realization I had to get better after the fact. It's great to read these lists and apply them and good for you if you've never been burned before (being proactive helps!) But if you're like me and the greatest lessons I've learned come from the many mistakes I've made, this list might resonate for you.
Slow is fast and fast is slow - Stephen R Covey, on how to build relationships When I became a leader at a software organization, I had just come off of being on medical leave (cancer survivor) and was promoted during that time. Not only would I be returning to work after 2 major surgeries after 5 months off, I'd also be walking into a new environment taking over an established team. I was once their peer only to leave and return to become promoted to be their new boss. My anxiety was high and I had many many questions on my my mind:
When I returned I had all these expectations that they would be happy to see me again and happy that I was their leader. But I was wrong. My anxieties and fears were also theirs:
Having difficult conversations - feedback is not just important, it's your responsibility This was a tough one I had to learn. I was about to have a difficult conversation with a direct report and I had anxiety about it for days. I thought it wasn't going to go well and planned for it as much as I could. And when it happened, to my surprise they thanked me for it. They said they were appreciative that they raised this difficult topic to them so that they could be aware of it and make an effort to change. People inherently want to do good. And they can't if someone isn't there to point out their blind spots. Your results aren't your responsibility - your people are This is a big mindset change as a new leader. All too often (especially in sales), results are the # 1 thing that matters. But as a leader, you intentionally move from an individual contributor role to a leader of people. Your people are responsible for the results now, you are responsible to set them up for success, provide guidance and feedback and coach them towards success. That's it. You're on stage as leader - always - it's not just what you do when people are looking that is important, it's how you handle yourself when no ones looking that defines you as a person It's easy standing on your values when people are watching. It's a sign of courage to do so when things aren't ideal and when no one's watching. You're not in the business of being liked, you're in the business of being a leader As a self confessed people pleaser, this was also a hard lesson to learn. This all comes down to the simple idea that you are not responsible for other people's happiness. You are their leader and they will need you in more ways than to keep them 'happy'. Be open and transparent when you can be, and when you can't, tell them so Brene Brown's 'vulnerability armour' reminds me that we need to be vulnerable as a leader. Communicate and be open and when things aren't going so well, let your people know. We are the same at the end of the day, all human. Being a leader (with a title or not) is tough. But for those that are acting on their calling, it can be the most rewarding experience of their lives, as long as we continue to learn along the way.  In 2017, I remember the feeling of being happy while also feeling lost in my life. Our son was just born, I was working in a well established career as a sales leader in a fast growing software organization and things on the surface was great. But something didn't feel right and I couldn't figure out where to go next.
Have you ever thought about using a coach? This was a simple and thoughtful suggestion from a good friend and business contact who had used a coach himself to figure a path forward in life. From there, I connected with David Ogle and our sessions began. I quickly realized the positive impact of having a coach by my side to explore, dive deep, partner and even challenge my own assumptions and stories I created in my own head. Through thoughtful questions and being a sounding board to my ideas, David was able to quickly help me see where I needed to go and what needed to happen. From there, I decided to quit my job, take 5 months off to help raise our son and spend as many precious moments with my ailing father who would soon pass from battling cancer. Through my coaching conversations I started to distill what my true passion in life would be and what I was willing to say yes to, but more importantly to what I was willing to say no to. I found an exciting, fulfilling career with FranklinCovey who then supported me to pursue another passion that was starting to appear. Through my years leading sales teams, supporting clients and volunteering in the community, one thing stood clear to me and it was my love and desire to help people. In 2019 I decided to enroll in the UBC Organizational Coaching program and completed the program in May 2020. I started the program with the intention of becoming a certified coach, not realizing it would transform my life. From this experience, I learned 4 key things that can be used in all facets of life, even more importantly in the times we're facing now. Being present One of the first things they taught us was the importance of staying present with your client. And this holds true for anything and everything we do in life. Be present, be still, be there in front of the person, moment or thought. With all that is happening in the world today, we spend too much time in the past and too much time in the future, none of which really matters. Stay curious We were taught this idea of inquiring below 'the waterline' with our clients. And this holds true for any conversation we have, with our clients, our partners, our kids, our neighbours, even ourselves. Stay curious with what is being said (and not said) and dig a bit deeper. There may be more than meets the eye and it typically comes up after a second or third pass. No judgement, no attachment Our ego is constantly knocking on our door and it's so important to question it's intent with every action, thought or question that arises. We are all experiencing this pandemic differently, how can we be kind to each other and ask, support and lead with no judgement and no attachment to being right or wrong. Listen, no really listen How can we listen with our whole hearts with our colleagues and family members with the intent of understanding. Pause, even for a second or two after something has been said to really take it all in. Let them know you hear them, with your eyes and your energy. We can achieve so much more if we really listen to each other. Becoming a certified coach has been such a rewarding experience. I learned so much from the people I interacted with in cohort #8. I hope to use these new skills to better serve my clients, help strengthen my relationships and ultimately to help those that need help like I once did. 'We need a coaching culture' - Why I've enrolled in the Organizational Coaching program @ UBC8/21/2019  "We need a coaching culture "
This is a common theme I hear when I speak with organizations and I ask them what a current need or opportunity is. But what is a culture of coaching? Is it a culture of continuous feedback, a culture of always wanting others to succeed and improve, a culture of the collective moving towards a better state rather than only individual successes? Coaching to me is the ability and communication of your observations, thoughts and feelings with the goal of providing honest, transparent, factual information for the purpose of improving a person's skill, mindset or ability. But why do we do it and why is it an important part of organizations? I have a theory. We are moving from an individual, results driven organizational view to a more collective, community based mindset. The story in the workplace has typically been all about the individual. The personal, inward desire to get results, get promoted, and celebrate successes at an individual level. But I think a shift is happening with people in organizations today in how we operate and improve. The success of an individual is never based on just that one person. To improve, to learn, to get better and to succeed depends on the effort of many - directly and indirectly. And I believe the success of the many provides the most satisfaction in a person's life. The most fulfillment. We win when we all win - together. We celebrate successes when we all get better as a collective. On top of all this, there is a realization circulating that what drives happiness in people is not the material objects we have in life, our wealth, our titles in our work or the experiences we've been through. The key to happiness is the strength of the relationships you have in your life, both personally and professionally. And to me I think coaching provides that window to that fulfilling life. “The No. 1 predictor of happiness,” he said, is the “quality time we spend with people we care about and who care about us. In other words, relationships.” Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/28/smarter-living/you-accomplished-something-great-so-now-what.html Think about this. When you've coached someone in your life, with the goal of helping them improve, their perspective, their mindset for the better - how satisfying was it to you knowing what you've done has made such a positive impact to their lives? How fulfilling has that relationship become? As a long time benefactor of amazing coaching and my desire to help those that I engage with personally and professionally, I'm excited to be enrolled in the UBC Certified Organizational Coach (COC) program this coming September. Most importantly I'm excited to be a student again to learn and apply these new skills towards helping individuals and organizations in today's world.  Maslow's hierarchy of needs. We all learned this in school, most in PSYC 101, and it wasn't until recently that it was brought back to my mind through a conversation I had about trust.
I recently met with the VP of HR of a global retail fashion organization and we chatted about how do we engage employees today. We talked in particular about ideas of trust and how we can get the most potential out of them, while also serving their individual and personal growth needs. And the VP mentioned it all boils down to a simple need that everyone has in this world. A clear and straightforward concept that has been with us for eternity but has altered and morphed in it's appearance over time. The need for people to feel safe. People need to feel safe before they can trust you. And before they can trust you, you won't get their buy-in, commitment, creativity, their heart and soul. People need to feel secure in their position, their jobs, their career before they can commit to you and the organization. People need to feel safe with their families, personal growth outside of work and financial safety in order to give their all to you. It was such a simple yet powerful concept that brought me back to this chart we all learned in PSYC 101 and thought we'd never talk about again. But think about this:
So when you're thinking about how to develop your people in your organizations today, before you answer that, ask yourself this, does that person feel safe and trusted? If they don't feel safe, you might not be getting their full potential. Start by making them feel safe, and then you will see where that potential really flourishes.  Conquering The Mind in 2019
It's that time of year again as we enter a new year and we lay our goals, ambitions and plans heading into the near future with a new sense of energy and focus. I love this time of the year but I'm also conscious that it's not just the goal or plan that's needed to succeed, but the process and mindset shift that needs to happen in order to make it work. For me, conquering the mind from itself is the greatest success story out there and something that has tangible benefits to you in your work and personal lives. The people who have understood this are the most successful people I know and I believe it boils down to 3 areas of focus:
Time Time is a resource that everyone has but not everyone understands. I first really understood this concept when I was first diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago and most recently with the passing of my father. Unfortunately it usually takes a major life event for someone to realize the value of time. No matter how rich, privileged, lucky, smart or wise you are, we all have the same amount of it. You can’t buy more of it, you can’t hold onto it and it happens at the same speed and pace for everyone. You can't save it, but you can lose it, and usually before you even realized you had it. Time is the most valuable resource today and the richest person in the world is the one who truly understands this. So as we head into 2019 with yearly planning, remember to not take for granted the element of time and to not assume you can tackle that initiative in the Spring, have that conversation with your direct report in the Summer or take that new course in the Fall. Being Present We are busier than we've ever been before. We get bombarded with distractions, emails, likes, beeps, ads, calls from every angle possible. Even while you're reading this some of you are thinking of things you need to do at work, a distraction in your environment or a thought into the future. The brain is on overdrive and it all comes with a cost of not being present to the moment. Whether this is listening intently to your team member talk about their last sales call, or listening to your kids recap the day... being present in the moment is the 'why' in which we do anything Let's not skip these moments that help define us. The positive impact of being present is far greater to the other person than you think. Increasing your self awareness and empathy Hand in hand with being present is being self aware and empathetic to the people around you. Like Ellen says, 'be kind to one another' and try to understand their 'hidden story' at work and at home. How did that last meeting go? How did that last performance review sit with your direct report. Are your actions helping or hurting the company's Wildly Important Goals (WIGS)? Are you doing what you love to do and are you doing things intently and wholeheartedly? Know yourself and be genuine and true to yourself when you're with others. When you're not being authentic, people will know and will act accordingly. You only have one life, let's live it honestly. And lastly, the old saying still holds true to this day...'Treat others the way you'd like to be treated'. So, conquering my mind is my goal for 2019 and now I have to work on the daily processes that will help me get there. Maintaining my daily journal, experimenting with meditation and practicing empathetic listening are things that come to my mind. Any other suggestions?  As I continue to cherish the break I am currently taking to help raise our 7-month-old son and spend time with family, I have had a lot of time to sit down and reflect on my professional career to date. I look back and think about how it started, how it has evolved to where I am today, and where I think it will take me forward.
My experience over the years has mainly been in the areas of sales and leadership. These are two areas of discipline that I think are greatly underserved in terms of education and training in schools and in organizations today but, interestingly enough, make up a large portion of jobs and occupations in the world. It used to be that if you were ‘good with people’, an extrovert, or were really talkative and social, you were a good fit to be in sales or leadership. Unfortunately, without the proper support, coaching and guidance, people in these roles all to often fail before they even begin. Some say that you’re born with it. Some would argue that a leader is the result of being a top individual performer. Or perhaps, maybe a bit of both. Unfortunately, regardless of which direction you start whether you're born with it or you’ve learned it along the way, without mentorship, they may struggle. And when it happens, the repercussions for an organization, a team, down to the individual are devastating and the effects of that can last a long time. Is the blame set on the organization for not coaching the individual, or is the blame focused on the individual for not elevating their skill set to the new role? Again, probably a bit of both, but I think the main reason for any set back is the result of hard truths that are not properly communicated (or understood) before someone raises their hand to become a leader or when a company hires and/or promotes for one. 5 (Untold) Truths in Being a Leader
Treat people the way you want to be treated. It’s one of the oldest lessons we are taught as a kid but for some reason, it’s a lesson we all forget in the workplace. Maybe during times of stress, survival instincts kick into gear and we start to think of scarcity instead of abundance. "You got that promotion? You don’t deserve it, I’m a better rep than you” "You want to quit and work somewhere else? I’ll make sure you regret this decision”. It speaks towards insecurity and emotions in the moment that get the better of us. But being a good leader, and a good human, requires us to be honest with ourselves, and the people around us. So as I start to search for my next journey in my career, I am reminded by the appreciation I have for all the great leaders who taught me how to be who I am today, and with that, I can only hope I do the same for others. I’m interested to hear more, what other hard truths are there about being a leader and what do you think makes a great leader? We all want the same thing. We are all human. We are all humans. We all want to the same thing in one share of form. We want a good job, that pays appropriately and gives us fulfillment in life and with that to have money to spend on our family or friends as we see fit. We all want to be happy. But in the mess off all this, relationships are ruined, ethics are broken and we all fall victim… Leadership, sales manager and front line managers. |
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