Seeing the lighthouse through the thickest fog

​3 months into paternity leave with our newest addition to the family and it feels amazing. 

He's grown in the last 3 months, my partner is doing well and our oldest is adjusting to being a new big brother. 

But to say it was easy is an understatement.  There were challenging moments, an early delivery, sleepless nights and feelings of 'what did we get ourselves into' came as you would expect.

And through it all, I am here, at a better place, feeling grateful and happy of where things are at. 

Even in your most trying times, when things are in complete chaos, of grief or sadness or hopelessness, I'm reminded of all those life challenges I've faced that eventually, the sun rose again the next morning.  That there were days that didn't seem as chaotic.  That you catch up on sleep eventually and your tears and heartaches subside at some point.

I get it, when you're in the thickest fog, you can't see the lighthouse, let alone the hand in front of you.  Here are 3 tips that helped me through those moments in life.

1. 'This too, shall pass' 

Etched into his ring as a Persian king, these words helped the emperor keep himself happy when he was sad while also reminding him to enjoy the good moments knowing they will end at some point.  Keeping it even keel some would say.  And true they are, no matter how dire the situation, no matter how bleak.  This moment will pass.  And if you don't believe me, think back in your life at your most trying times and applaud yourself for how far you've come.

2. Things could be worse

I have to admit, this line makes me cringe a bit while also acknowledging this also works.  I cringe because I know when you're in the deepest of S#$(, this is the last thing you want to hear from someone.  I'm reminded by one of my coaches who said to me when I tried to minimize my cancer journey -  'a person's deepest pain is their deepest pain'.  It's not meant to be measured, it's not meant to be judged by the eyes of the world.  If you are in pain, you are in pain.  End of sentence.

But this line does help in reflecting your own life, in those own moments of despair.  There were probably moments that seemed to be the worst.  If not yours, think of those close by you in your life and their moments of despair.  Shifting focus into how things could have been helps you gain the strength to see your current situation in a different light.

3. Look at the trees

How often do you go out and take a walk and you just stare and marvel at the nature at you.  Like really stare, over a few seconds and minutes.  And the next time you do this, really look at the tree for example and get lost into it's peacefulness.  Think about how long this tree has been here, how many wars, moments of grief, world disasters (real and imagined), how many iPhones have been created while it's just stood here.  To the tree, nothing has happened and life continues. 

I get it we're not a tree but the gift that humans received with the choice of mindsets is the very same thing that can get us out of that funk.  We create our own suffering.  No matter how you shape it and how many bad things have 'happened' to you, we create our own suffering.  Nothing happens to us, it happens because of us.  And the inspiring thing is that we then also have the choice and ability to get us out of this mess.  The choice is up to us.

So when things seem tough, like the end is nowhere in sight. Just remember, you are stronger than you think and you have the strength and agency to get through anything. This too shall pass. Enjoy it for what it is.